so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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