its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I love having hate sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
