i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
