piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
40s are totally the cure
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
