i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
