You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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