So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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