I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
