It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
