Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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