I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
