Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
