That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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