you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
