My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
