This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
