and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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