I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
