I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
