ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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