do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
