you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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