After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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