I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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