I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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