Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
