I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Houston, we have a blender
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
