is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
