i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
