my phone needs a breathalizer
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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