I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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