So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
