u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
