hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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