so explain again why im purple
no
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
