You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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