Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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