At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
