I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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