Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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