dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
try to milk me bitch
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
