Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
