how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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