you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
