Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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