I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
