Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
