I'm gonna have a badass scar
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
