At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
