drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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