So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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