Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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