I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
